Internet Dating, part 2: First Contact

In Internet Dating, part 1: Setting Yourself Up Safely, I talked about how to set up everything (computer, email, profile, etc) so that your personal information is protected from prying eyes. However, now you're ready to get to know some people, and maybe even go on a date with someone, so let's talk about making first contact safely.

Chatting Safety

For maximum security, you want to use the sites internal chat system instead of your email or phone number when you decide to message someone for the first time. Think of this as your first level of defense. If someone does give you their personal information (email, phone number, or even snail mail address), tell them that you'd, "rather communicate through <insert online dating service here>"

Internet Dating, part 1: Setting Yourself Up Safely

Personally, back when I was single, I really didn't have many options for dating. I didn't want to date anyone I was working with, I wasn't going to school anymore, so that was out of the question. I'm not a bar/club/gym junkie so that wasn't going to work either. I was really left with only a couple options: being set up by people I knew, and online dating.

Gone are the days just bumping into a stranger and asking them out (or asked out by them). It has become very difficult to meet and start a rapport with strangers, especially in the current age of fear and distrust. More and more people are turning to the internet to find their special someone. 

Now most people in the online dating world are nice and not out to hurt anyone, but there are always those 1-2% that will ruin this experience for everyone.  Whether your looking for a possible long-term relationship to the one night stand, you can still use this information to keep you safe. So over the next few blogs I'm going to share three major steps you need to take to date online safety: setting everything up, making contact, and meeting up.

Your Gut Is Talking, But Are You Listening?

If I told you that I knew someone who could accurately predict whenever you were about to get into some trouble, would you listen to them?

We all have that friend in each of us, and its called our intuition. Our intuition has developed over generations to help us survive so that we continue our species. However, our cognitive brain and thought process often gets in our way. We think that because we can't rationalize what we're feeling and we can't identify the reason we are feeling insecure, therefore we must be crazy.

You're not crazy - at least, not for listening to your instincts. Your intuition has developed to keep you alive, it works faster than the cognitive brain, and it doesn't require justifications, or reasons why it feels the way it does.

So how do we know when our gut is talking to us?

Countering The Criminal's Plans

Whenever I've been asked to teach a self defense session for one group or another, I always start with the Rules to Live By. I adapted this from Sanford Strong's book, "Strong on Defense" which has been out of print for several years now. Parts of the book can be seen if you use the Google Book website and do a search for the book.

When criminals commit a crime against us, they need three things: Time, Control, and Isolation. The Four Rules to Live By, according to Strong, all work in direct opposition to all three. If a criminal has these things, than they are more likely to be successful in their task. By utilizing the rules, we directly counter the criminals intent and disrupt their plans.