Internet Dating, part 1: Setting Yourself Up Safely

Personally, back when I was single, I really didn't have many options for dating. I didn't want to date anyone I was working with, I wasn't going to school anymore, so that was out of the question. I'm not a bar/club/gym junkie so that wasn't going to work either. I was really left with only a couple options: being set up by people I knew, and online dating.

Gone are the days just bumping into a stranger and asking them out (or asked out by them). It has become very difficult to meet and start a rapport with strangers, especially in the current age of fear and distrust. More and more people are turning to the internet to find their special someone. 

Now most people in the online dating world are nice and not out to hurt anyone, but there are always those 1-2% that will ruin this experience for everyone.  Whether your looking for a possible long-term relationship to the one night stand, you can still use this information to keep you safe. So over the next few blogs I'm going to share three major steps you need to take to date online safety: setting everything up, making contact, and meeting up.

Setting Everything Up

As you begin to set up everything so that you can being this fun, fulfilling, and possibly life-changing adventure, make sure that you keep your personal information protected. This means that you aren't going to be sharing everything under the sun about yourself right on your profile for all the world to read. You want to create enough interest and mystery to that people will contact you, but you want to make sure that no one can stalk you using information that you provided.

Computer Security

Anti virus programs and firewalls are your virtural locks, similar to the locks that you have on the doors and windows of your home. Just like you wouldn't leave your front door unlocked, you need to make sure that your computer has these security featured turned on and up-to-date.

Update your Computer Software - Keeping your computer updated is another important step. If you don't keep your computer's software updated, it won't be able to deal with newer threats that it may be susceptible to, so when those pop up messages asks you if you want to update your device, don't ignore it and take the time to update.

Make Sure Your Wireless Network is Secure - Whatever device you are using to log on to the internet, make sure that the connection is secure. Remember, you are going to be using passwords to log into various sites and information about the device that you are using will be transmitted to and from your connection source. So, if the connection is not secure, criminals may be able to exploit that and obtain sensitive personal information, possibly using the information to steal your identity. If you are using a wireless network, make sure to use a secure connection, preferably one that you set up yourself. If you don't know how to do so, here's a link to PCmag.com. It gives you basic instructions on how to do it.

Strong Passwords - Make sure that you have a strong password on all of your profiles. "abc123" is not a good password and neither is "password." Strong passwords should include a mixture of upper and lower case letters, numbers, and symbols. The stronger your password is, the more difficult it is for hackers to access your device and information. 

Email Security

Separate Email - An important step in beginning your online dating adventure is to set up a new, separate email account. This will be the primary email address that you should use to signup with online dating sites. You will be interacting with lots of people that you don't know, so you want to  make sure that people you don't want to get a hold of you don't and can't. Make sure that you don't use your name, age, birth year or other identifying markers in your email's user name (i.e. john.doe.1988@emailaddress.com).
If your email provider has it, you could set up an extra security level for your email, such as Gmail's 2-step verification system.

Password Security - Your email security is going to be primarily based on your password. Like your computer, make sure your password include upper and lower case letters, numbers, and symbols.

Security Questions - Some email providers have security questions that you select to gain access to your account, in case you forget your password. Make sure to select questions for which your answer will always remain consistent, but more importantly, select questions with answers that no one else knows. Remember that someone that knows you well could be able to figure out answers to your questions. Best option is to create your own question whenever you can. 

Profile Information - This is important. When you start creating your dating profile, be cognizant of what security questions you picked for your email, you don't want to provide that information on your dating profile. Always keep security on your mind as you create your profile to ensure that you aren't giving away private information that could be used to stalk you.

Keep Things Secret - Remember to think before answering questions. There are hackers and scammers out there that will figure out your email security questions, then engage you in a conversation where they ask seemingly innocent questions leading them to the answers.  It's obvious that we shouldn't be giving out our passwords to people we don't know, but we don't tend to give the same thought to the questions that are asked of us. Even a little bit of information can be used to find you, even if you don't think you're saying very much. For example, someone might ask you where you grew up and use that information to guess the answer to the security question, "Where were you born?"

Dating Service Selection Process

Make sure to choose a dating site where your information will be kept confidential. Your personal information should not be posted anywhere where other people can see it and it also should not be sold to any third-parties. Make sure to read the site's privacy statement and don't use any service that doesn't mention what they are going to do with your information. You want to make sure that the site has a good reputation as well. It's easy now to get information on various sites, all you have to do is Google it and BAM! the information is there. User reviews, complaints, and even success stories will all be at your finger tips, so take some time to do some research.  

Also make sure that the database size and number of users, is large enough. This will increase the likelihood that you will find someone that you are actually interested in. Finally, it should be easy to find the contact information of the site. If the site makes this information hard to find or non-existent, then close the window and find another site.

Be Honest and Clear 

When online dating, you create a resume that people can sift through before deciding to contact or respond to you.  If we could, many of us would like to change a thing or two about us, especially if we're trying to make ourselves look good to others. You may be tempted to make yourself a little taller, more fit, or exaggerate your interests and activities.  Just remember that you'll potentially meet this person, and do you want to be a disappointment when they find out that you aren't as tall, fit, or know much about the things you exaggerated about? No. So be honest with yourself as you begin to type up your profile. Being dishonest is a potential security risk for you.


Know what you are looking for and make it clear on your profile. If you have non-negotiables, let it be known from the get go. It's a waste of time trying to get to know someone, then finding out that they do or believe something that you just can't deal with. You increase our chances of finding the right person if you actually state what you are and aren't looking for, saving you and them time from a pointless interaction.

Now that your security is set up, make sure you subscribe to my blog (at the top right of this blog) so you won't miss my next post on staying safe when you decide to make first contact.