Survival Signals

In The Gift of Fear, Gavin de Becker describes several signals that you can detect that are used in attempt to gain feelings of trust, empathy, or obligation. Once you learn these signals, you’re going to be able think back to prior encounters and see how you were being manipulated. Don’t be alarmed. At least not right away, because you need to keep in mind context. For example, if you are in a store shopping and a salesperson approaches you in attempt to make a sale, you are going to detect a few being used on you. This doesn't mean that the salesperson is trying to attack you. Though they are trying to get you to buy something. Remember to keep context in mind when you notice that someone is using any of the following techniques on you.

You do it, they do it, even I do it. What is it? It is manipulate people to get what we want. That’s right, I just accused you all reading this of manipulating people in your daily interactions with people around you. I’m telling you this because I want you to understand that we all do this. We all manipulate people, I just want you all to understand that when people are manipulating you, it’s because you have something that they want; it doesn’t mean that they are trying to cause harm, rape, murder, or rob you.

Internet Dating, part 3: The Meet Up

When you finally decide it's time to meet your online admirer, there are a few precautions you should take. Before we get to that, real quickly, how do you know when to meet up in person for the first time? Now, this is going to be a very personal choice. I'm not going to tell you a secret formula as to when you should me up. That's up to you. What I can share is from my own experience, and the experiences shared with me.

For example: My partner writes, "I preferred to meet up quickly because writing and face-to-face interaction is VERY different. So for me, why waste time online chatting, where it becomes very easy to project your own fantasies onto others, only to be disappointed when the actual live human doesn't live up to your expectations? Establish they're not psycho and meet up, badda bing, badda boom.  This is also why my policy is to never meet up for a meal on the first date, that way if it's bad, I can bounce quickly."

So, let's talk about meeting up for the first time. Just like the excitement that you experienced the first time you message someone, you're going to feel excited meeting them for the first time as well. You never know, this could be the first of many dates to come, maybe lead to a relationship, and possibly even marriage! However, since this is the first time you're going to meet this person, you should take a few precautions.

Internet Dating, part 2: First Contact

In Internet Dating, part 1: Setting Yourself Up Safely, I talked about how to set up everything (computer, email, profile, etc) so that your personal information is protected from prying eyes. However, now you're ready to get to know some people, and maybe even go on a date with someone, so let's talk about making first contact safely.

Chatting Safety

For maximum security, you want to use the sites internal chat system instead of your email or phone number when you decide to message someone for the first time. Think of this as your first level of defense. If someone does give you their personal information (email, phone number, or even snail mail address), tell them that you'd, "rather communicate through <insert online dating service here>"

Internet Dating, part 1: Setting Yourself Up Safely

Personally, back when I was single, I really didn't have many options for dating. I didn't want to date anyone I was working with, I wasn't going to school anymore, so that was out of the question. I'm not a bar/club/gym junkie so that wasn't going to work either. I was really left with only a couple options: being set up by people I knew, and online dating.

Gone are the days just bumping into a stranger and asking them out (or asked out by them). It has become very difficult to meet and start a rapport with strangers, especially in the current age of fear and distrust. More and more people are turning to the internet to find their special someone. 

Now most people in the online dating world are nice and not out to hurt anyone, but there are always those 1-2% that will ruin this experience for everyone.  Whether your looking for a possible long-term relationship to the one night stand, you can still use this information to keep you safe. So over the next few blogs I'm going to share three major steps you need to take to date online safety: setting everything up, making contact, and meeting up.