Personal Safety: There's An App For That

With the plethora of apps out there, I started wondering what kinds of apps are there for people looking to protect themselves. I found instructional apps telling how to perform various techniques, and apps that gave advice on dating. Then I found some that could be valuable.

Why Martial Arts Isn't Enough

I started training in martial arts when I was 13 years old. I got into it because at the time, my mom's boyfriend thought it was a good idea that I learn how to protect myself. During this training,  I learned discipline, control, respect, and a host of other useful life skills, but I wasn't learning how to defend myself with these techniques.

Taekwondo is a very sport-oriented martial arts. This means that there are rules that must be followed. Some techniques are legal to perform, others are not. This leads to a possibility of training only for the sport and not for self preservation. Martial arts inherently have rules and regulations built into it. This conflicts to the basic premise of self defense: survival.

Since then I have trained in various martial arts from the more sport-oriented Taekwondo to Judo, to the combative reality of Krav Maga, to the almost meditative Tai Ji Quan (Tai Chi). In my 20+ years of training, I've come to one simple realization: most martial arts lack is the practical skills for survival in a possibly violent situation.  The problem is that it is based upon on a system of rules, but self defense has no rules for fighting. Self defense has only one objective, and that objective is to survive.

Fighting for your survival is nothing like a sport fighting match: there won’t be any referee there to watch for the safety of the fighters, there aren’t any timeouts or opportunities to tap out and It isn’t always going to be one-on-one or a “fair” match. It is dirty, brutal, and violent.

One solution that I’ve heard suggested is to go to a mixed martial arts studio/training center, or MMA. The Ultimate Fighting Championships, or UFC, is a popular example. In the beginning, the UFC was as close to a real fight as one could get. It would put two people together, and let them duke it out. No time limits, no weight classes, and only a few rules (no biting, no eye-gouging, no groin strikes). However, as the years have passed, more and more rules have been added, adjusted, and dropped. As far as MMA in the UFC, it is now a sport with rules, legal/illegal techniques, weight classes, time limits.  The very things that made more traditional martial arts unrealistic, MMA is adopting as part of their training regime. It had been turned into a combat sporting event of which the goals are to win rather than to survive. This is the same issue with most martial arts taught today.

So how do you find a self defense class that will really prepare you for the unthinkable? The National Coalition Against Sexual Assault (NCASA) has published some guidelines  and answers to common questions to help.

NOTE: Because we believe that anyone would benefit from learning self defense, we have taken out any gender-specific language and made it gender-neutral.

Survival Signals

In The Gift of Fear, Gavin de Becker describes several signals that you can detect that are used in attempt to gain feelings of trust, empathy, or obligation. Once you learn these signals, you’re going to be able think back to prior encounters and see how you were being manipulated. Don’t be alarmed. At least not right away, because you need to keep in mind context. For example, if you are in a store shopping and a salesperson approaches you in attempt to make a sale, you are going to detect a few being used on you. This doesn't mean that the salesperson is trying to attack you. Though they are trying to get you to buy something. Remember to keep context in mind when you notice that someone is using any of the following techniques on you.

You do it, they do it, even I do it. What is it? It is manipulate people to get what we want. That’s right, I just accused you all reading this of manipulating people in your daily interactions with people around you. I’m telling you this because I want you to understand that we all do this. We all manipulate people, I just want you all to understand that when people are manipulating you, it’s because you have something that they want; it doesn’t mean that they are trying to cause harm, rape, murder, or rob you.

Internet Dating, part 3: The Meet Up

When you finally decide it's time to meet your online admirer, there are a few precautions you should take. Before we get to that, real quickly, how do you know when to meet up in person for the first time? Now, this is going to be a very personal choice. I'm not going to tell you a secret formula as to when you should me up. That's up to you. What I can share is from my own experience, and the experiences shared with me.

For example: My partner writes, "I preferred to meet up quickly because writing and face-to-face interaction is VERY different. So for me, why waste time online chatting, where it becomes very easy to project your own fantasies onto others, only to be disappointed when the actual live human doesn't live up to your expectations? Establish they're not psycho and meet up, badda bing, badda boom.  This is also why my policy is to never meet up for a meal on the first date, that way if it's bad, I can bounce quickly."

So, let's talk about meeting up for the first time. Just like the excitement that you experienced the first time you message someone, you're going to feel excited meeting them for the first time as well. You never know, this could be the first of many dates to come, maybe lead to a relationship, and possibly even marriage! However, since this is the first time you're going to meet this person, you should take a few precautions.