Survival Signals

In The Gift of Fear, Gavin de Becker describes several signals that you can detect that are used in attempt to gain feelings of trust, empathy, or obligation. Once you learn these signals, you’re going to be able think back to prior encounters and see how you were being manipulated. Don’t be alarmed. At least not right away, because you need to keep in mind context. For example, if you are in a store shopping and a salesperson approaches you in attempt to make a sale, you are going to detect a few being used on you. This doesn't mean that the salesperson is trying to attack you. Though they are trying to get you to buy something. Remember to keep context in mind when you notice that someone is using any of the following techniques on you.

You do it, they do it, even I do it. What is it? It is manipulate people to get what we want. That’s right, I just accused you all reading this of manipulating people in your daily interactions with people around you. I’m telling you this because I want you to understand that we all do this. We all manipulate people, I just want you all to understand that when people are manipulating you, it’s because you have something that they want; it doesn’t mean that they are trying to cause harm, rape, murder, or rob you.

Internet Dating, part 3: The Meet Up

When you finally decide it's time to meet your online admirer, there are a few precautions you should take. Before we get to that, real quickly, how do you know when to meet up in person for the first time? Now, this is going to be a very personal choice. I'm not going to tell you a secret formula as to when you should me up. That's up to you. What I can share is from my own experience, and the experiences shared with me.

For example: My partner writes, "I preferred to meet up quickly because writing and face-to-face interaction is VERY different. So for me, why waste time online chatting, where it becomes very easy to project your own fantasies onto others, only to be disappointed when the actual live human doesn't live up to your expectations? Establish they're not psycho and meet up, badda bing, badda boom.  This is also why my policy is to never meet up for a meal on the first date, that way if it's bad, I can bounce quickly."

So, let's talk about meeting up for the first time. Just like the excitement that you experienced the first time you message someone, you're going to feel excited meeting them for the first time as well. You never know, this could be the first of many dates to come, maybe lead to a relationship, and possibly even marriage! However, since this is the first time you're going to meet this person, you should take a few precautions.