Internet Dating, part 3: The Meet Up

When you finally decide it's time to meet your online admirer, there are a few precautions you should take. Before we get to that, real quickly, how do you know when to meet up in person for the first time? Now, this is going to be a very personal choice. I'm not going to tell you a secret formula as to when you should me up. That's up to you. What I can share is from my own experience, and the experiences shared with me.

For example: My partner writes, "I preferred to meet up quickly because writing and face-to-face interaction is VERY different. So for me, why waste time online chatting, where it becomes very easy to project your own fantasies onto others, only to be disappointed when the actual live human doesn't live up to your expectations? Establish they're not psycho and meet up, badda bing, badda boom.  This is also why my policy is to never meet up for a meal on the first date, that way if it's bad, I can bounce quickly."

So, let's talk about meeting up for the first time. Just like the excitement that you experienced the first time you message someone, you're going to feel excited meeting them for the first time as well. You never know, this could be the first of many dates to come, maybe lead to a relationship, and possibly even marriage! However, since this is the first time you're going to meet this person, you should take a few precautions.

Meet In A Public Place

It's obvious, but I still feel like I should mention it. When you plan on meeting someone for the first time, make sure that it is in a well-lit, public place. Make sure it's somewhere that people will see and notice you, example below. Don't plan on going to a place that is dark and/or so crowded that no one will remember you being there (concert, movies, etc.).

Location, Location, Location

When you are deciding on where to meet, make sure you that you pick a place that you are comfortable with, preferably somewhere that you are are already familiar with. If your date is trying to get you to go to a place is isolated, a shady part of town, or a place that makes you feel iffy, avoid that.

Day and Time

When you meet up for the first time is just as important as where you meet. Make sure that the day and time works for you. If they suggest something that makes you feel uneasy, don't do it.  Be aware of the time and/or day that your date is suggesting to you. Or suggest a time and day that you decide on. Is it at the the beach on a weekday evening when less people are around? Or how about something a little more subtle, like the middle of the day in a museum? Yes, the museum is public, and it's in the day time, but who's going to remember you?

Drive Yourself

Take yourself to the rendezvous point because if you need to leave, for whatever reason, you can on your terms. Don't let them give you a ride because that lets them know where you live and gives them control of when they can take you home.

Stay Connected

Don't turn your phone off, or agree to go anywhere that service is spotty. You want to be able to call for help if you really need it. Keep the phone on yourself the entire time.

Stay Sober

Its really easy to forget this one. You might want to take a drink to help you relax, but remember that drinking impairs our judgement. You want to be sure that you can make sound judgments throughout the date, instead of waking up and not remembering what happen during the date.

Keep an Eye Out

Make sure to watch your stuff. Don't leave anything unattended at any time, especially your drinks. This means when you go to use the restroom, take everything: phone, purse, wallet, with you. If you have a drink, leave it or request a new one. It's better to leave a half full glass than risk something much worse. Drugs that are used to facilitate Date Rape are often added to drinks.

Body Language

While on a first date, your date should be paying attention to you. If they are making eye contact, leaning in towards you, sitting up, and actually listening while having a conversation with you, second date may not be so bad. Though, if they are presenting signs of anger, possessiveness, threatening behaviors, or frustration, tread carefully.

Ask for Help

Do so at any time you feel uncomfortable. Tell a server, security guard, pedestrian walking by, even a stranger in the bathroom - bring as much attention to yourself and the situation as soon as you can - and leave. Your date wants to spend just a few more minutes with you by walking you to your car? Call for a cab instead, and come back for your car another time. Your safety and survival is more important than getting your car at that very moment. Remember, our cars are parked in an area that isn't as populated as a restaurant  it would be much easier to force you into your car, where bad things can happen.

Trust Your Gut

Remember that your gut is talking to you, so make sure that you're listening. If your intuition is telling you to get up and go, GO! Men are socialized to ignore their instincts, and though women tend to be better at listen to their intuition, they are often made fun of they they do. Being teased for feeling that insecure about something that has no logical explanation.

Let Someone Know

Online dating isn't the taboo that it once was, so don't feel ashamed to let people know that you meet someone online and you're going on a first date with them. If you don't want people to know that you met on a dating site, still make sure that someone knows the details of your date. If you do change locations during the date, for whatever reason, make sure that you keep a friend or family member informed as to your whereabouts.

Dress to Impress

So you're going to meet for the first time, and no doubt, you will be dressing to impress. Remember that the way you look will play a big role as to what your date thinks of you, its what people do, we judge, especially based on how other dress. So dress appropriately so you don't create the wrong impression. Also dress so that you are both comfortable and have unrestricted movement. If things go south, you don't want to have to be worrying about running in stilettos for example.

Be Safe

Make this your mantra, at least for the first few dates. If your date goes well, you should have gotten to know your date just a little bit better. Maybe even to go on a few more dates, but make sure your safety is your priority.

Whether your plan on just dating locally or are willing to cross state lines to meet someone, following our dating tips will aid you in making sure that your experience is safe, as well as fun and exciting.